A Day in the Life: The Quality of Mercy

Recently, a close friend of mine (who has given me permission to share this anonymously) has been in a very painful situation that requires them to be in regular contact with a person who has spread false rumors about my friend in their local community. My friend has been talking to me about how hard it has been to forgive this person; even though they want to do it, they've been struggling with feelings of bitterness and anger.

In trying support my friend over the last several weeks, and with the current Year of Mercy declared by Pope Francis (Misericordiae Vultus), the need for mercy and forgiveness has been on my mind for some time now. I might be a Sister, but I'm still quite human, with all of need to forgive and to be forgiven that any other person has. Sometimes it happens that people have this idea of consecrated religious as being above frailty and above making mistakes. Well, let me just say, if that is true, then I'm in big trouble!

How hard it can be to forgive others, and how easy it is to store up our hurts and review them like flipping through Polaroids in a photo album. (Ask me how I know!) Yet, sometimes, I think we can be too hard on ourselves. Forgiveness, much like real love, is not an emotion. I can forgive someone for the pain that they have inflicted on me without having any happy feelings about them or any desire to renew or continue a relationship with that person. In fact, some relationships *need* to be ended. The biggest step towards forgiveness is letting go of the past and living in the present moment; emotional healing takes time. Having a negative feeling towards another person and acting on that feeling are, thank the Lord, two completely different things.

I've struggled with forgiveness in my own life and constantly encounter others who need to forgive or be forgiven and who ask how to do it. I think there's a part of all of us that is convinced that we don't deserve this, that, or the other ill-treatment. What I find most helpful is to look at the Crucifix. Christ did not hang on the Cross and pretend that it didn't hurt. Nowhere does scripture say that He smiled and felt happy and positive while He was dying. It does tell us that He suffered unimaginable pain physically, mentally, and spiritually. He knows what it is to be abandoned and betrayed. Yet, He still said, "Father, forgive them..." If anyone had paused at that moment and asked Our Lord how He was feeling, I doubt that He would have said, "I feel great!" Christ shows us that we can both acknowledge that we've been hurt and forgive the person who hurt us, even while we're still in pain.

In closing, I'd like to share with you one of my favorite songs, Forgiveness, by Matthew West. In particular, the following section:

"So let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees, is you.
Forgiveness."